Thursday, May 16, 2013

Mom on a Wire




If you buy into Hollywood’s version of modern motherhood, a woman should have beautiful children, an amazing job, and an immaculate home. She can bring home the bacon, cook it up, and never gain a pound. She takes her perfectly dressed kids on play dates, kisses her husband with a smile, and loves her domestic diva duties in her off-time, after yoga and the salon of course. And she's never dog-tired!

My reality is oh so different. I wish I brought home more bacon, usually burn it when I do, and scarf down the worst of the charred pieces after the rest of the family stampedes into the kitchen like a herd of wild beefalo. My house is not immaculate. The laundry is never caught up. My kids don’t always mind their manners, and sometimes I hide from them in the bathroom while gorging myself on my secret stash of Hershey’s kisses. 




In short, I do not measure up to the standards espoused by American culture, and I’m okay with that. I used to feel like a mom on a wire, walking a tightrope with no safety net below. I was often miserable. But accepting my perfectly imperfect life was a game-changer, and a battle worth fighting.

It’s no wonder that now more than ever, moms are stressed, depressed, burnt out and angry. Every magazine cover, every billboard, every commercial, and every television show seems to tell women they can be, and need to be, perfect. And after decades of exposure to these messages, moms find out that attaining this utopia is harder than the media culture has let on, especially considering the enormous amount of personal sacrifice good parenting requires.

For me, finding balance and rewriting my own set of expectations has made all of the difference. I try my best to be a good wife to my husband, keep the house tidy, feed the family nutritious meals, work towards my personal goals and be the best mom I can be. I know that the components of that last sentence explain why women like myself find themselves exhausted. I pray often for help, and I've learned to laugh at myself and focus on joyful moments.

I’ve also learned to accept that motherhood is messy, and that things won't always go the way I hope. I’ve learned that It’s crucially important to allow yourself the grace to be at peace when you have done your best, even if your best falls short of perfection. So to all of you moms out there, I pray you learn to give yourself a break, and take the time to prioritize the truly important things in life.

Because in between stressing about mismatched socks and crumbs in the cushions, children are growing up watching how we handle it all. They are being imprinted with our values, good and bad. Are we teaching them to strive towards perfection in the eyes of society? Or are we giving them the grace to develop their unique personalities and talents by allowing them to learn from their failures without being devastated by the fact they didn’t measure up? They will follow our lead.

I’ve been blessed to have a wonderful mother to encourage me when I have fallen short. I have learned many lessons from her, and wouldn’t be where I am today without her unconditional love and support. She has taught me that life’s foibles and failures can lead to amazing changes for the better. She has taught me that special moments spent with family far outweigh a sink full of dirty dishes. She has taught me what it means to never give up on your children.

Today, I hope all of you mothers out there reading this will take a deep breath, and begin to enjoy motherhood in all of its glorious messiness. It's a wild ride, after all, and some days we should celebrate simply keeping it between the ditches. Gorging on Hershey's Kisses is an excellent start. Enjoy!